Me, Myself and I: Peyton Sawyer's Solitary Life
by Selene Romanov
Summary: An exploration of Peyton's life, interactions with others, a mission for each day. May 13: a new guy, an interview at McD's, witness to a passionate kiss. Plz Read and Review.
1. May 9

**Selene Romanov here**...I always start my ideas with meaningful questions, at heart, I am a philosopher, but in reality I look for the intricacies of each situation, trying to analyze why something happens the way it does. Having just read a CooperPeyton story, I stop to wonder what would happen instead if Peyton went home and no one was there for her. Loneliness seems to follow her around. So I start my idea of the solitary life of Peyton E. Sawyer.

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**May 9**

The day after the wedding, I wake up in my own world, Brooke hates me, Lucas looks right through me, Nathan and Haley are in their own world, both my moms are dead, my dad is MIA AGAIN! OH YEAH and Jake let me go so I could deal with my feelings for Lucas. Once again, I'm alone. I'm sick of being alone.

My mission for today is to eat as many red grapes as I can without getting sick, read three romance novels, watch two comedy movies and create something and then destroy it.

I'm starting a new life, one of solitude, no friends, no boys, no entanglements. Just me, myself and I. How much trouble can we be?

Red grapes, so far my count is 7. They're tasty, but kind of juicy, with a tang. Kind of bitter when they're swallowed. Song of the moment that's blasting through the house is Hemorrhage (In my hands) by Fuel. Loud with a good thumping beat.

I look down at my first grisly disgusting romance novel to read, it's called Desire of the Heart, it's about this girl who is totally in love with her brother's best friend, who thinks of her as his little sister. So of course she vamps herself up to get his attention, they get busy and live happily ever after. Nauseating, but it's my mission to read and groan in disgust later.

Passing time alone is hard, because you have to think of stuff to do for each solitary moment. Now if I had a job the time would pass much quicker, but I don't, so whatever. I'm just glad there's no school next week. I need a break from everyone and everything, more time for my multiple personalities to come out.

Jake, dark brown hair and gorgeous eyes, with daughter Jenny who called me Mama. They fulfilled my family need, the ache in my heart that cried out for fulfillment. That ache cries out now, but I just ignore it.

Luke, golden boy of my life, a light dashed out, his heart belongs to my ex-best friend.

Brooke, former best friend, Hoes over Bros, my ass. Ten years of friendship down the drain, simply because I attempt to be honest with her and I can understand her reaction, but I wasn't going to act on my feelings, but Brooke is so insecure, she just can't have her best friend having feelings for her boyfriend, so she chooses him over me. FINE!

Ellie. DEAD. Anna. DEAD.

Create something and destroy it, what could that be, well….I co-created that list on my door over there, that lists which boys I get and which Brooke gets. Tossing a can of black paint erases the past and darkens the future, but it works for me.

My red grape count is up to 29. Nice healthy globes of fruity goodness.

Book #2 is called Sweet Romance. A modern take on how the woman is in charge and the man should be all emotional and stuff. WHATEVER.

It's now 6pm and I'm bored shitless, the sun is still glittering in the sky. It's Tuesday May 9, the sun is shining, I'm bored and I have multiple personalities.

The destructive one that tossed the paint shall be called Sloane.

The dippy one reading the romance novels can be called Page.

The health nut can be called Jill.

Sloane wants to mangle Brooke's face, but I think that might in the neighborhood of assault…but I still allow Sloane to contemplate what tools of destruction could be used to make Brooke look MORE attractive insert freaky shriek

Page wants to relax on the bed and drift off into fantasy, slip between the pages of Sweet Romance and fuck Dominic's brains out. Tall, dark, muscled and packing to satisfy. insert feline stretch

Meanwhile, Jill just wants to eat more grapes, her goal is 100. But I am only at 32. Dude, I'm only human, I could always glue them to my body, then I would be a grape colony and Jill might be happier. Doubtful.

Back to reality, it's now 6:17pm. I still have more grapes to eat, 1 romance novel to read and two movies to watch. The movies I choose to watch are 50 First Dates and Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

P.E.S. & co. signing off for now.

More obsessive ramblings tomorrow.

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Basically, this will be a daily update of Peyton's life, kind of like a Bridget Jones thing with the mission for each day. Today was just an example with the grapes, two comedy movies, three romance novels. The appearance of her three personas, was unplanned. I may keep them around, they may pop up here and there, different personas may be created to represent a certain part of Peyton. This will be a solitary exploration of Peyton's life, she will interact with other people, but more as an outsider, there won't be any dialogue with other characters, just herself, watching herself talk to others, kind of like an outer body experiment. This is a WIP.

I welcome input from others.


	2. May 10

**No profit is being made from this, just my idea of how Peyton copes after the season finale.**

**Thanks for the reviews, hope you like this installment, the PeytonCooper story I read was called, "Dreams for Plans" by Sk8erGrl.

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**

**May 10**

I'm bbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccckkkkkkkkk! This morning, I woke up and the world was a darker place. I mean hell the sun was shining, blue sky and puffy white clouds. I had 3 messages on my phone. One from Luke, one from Brooke and one from Haley.

Luke told me that there had been an accident, the limo from the wedding had gone off the bridge, Cooper and Rachel inside of it. Rachel was alive but in critical condition at the hospital, Cooper was in a coma. He asked me to come to the hospital and visit, he needed me to be there.

I flinched, my skin crawled and I shivered. Luke didn't need me, Cooper was his family and I'm not, he has Brooke, Karen and Haley for that shit.

Brooke's scratchy voice could be heard over the buzzing of the phone, like dead flies on a corpse. She told me basically what Luke had, except she asked me to stay away and not interfere in things that I didn't belong to. Basically, she was telling me to stay away from hers or else. I've decided to do an acrostic of Brooke's name.

B - BITCH

R - RABID

O - ODIOUS

O - OBTUSE

K - KARMA

E - EVIL

This is the anger speaking, the rage embedding itself in my flesh, my thoughts. Sloane cries out for vengeance, she sees Brooke as the betrayer of our friendship. Honesty is painful, Brooke chose a bro over her ho and Sloane wants to mangle her dimpled face. Murderous intent aside, I can attempt to understand Brooke's message, but I just don't care. I'm beyond caring. Sloane settles back down in the back of my mind.

I take savage pleasure in deleting Brooke's message, mashing my finger on the delete button on my phone. I feel the overwhelming urge to destroy something. Sloane is kicking again, wanting to come out. I push her back down.

Haley's message is a tired voice, not full of joy, her new marriage started with her almost losing her husband. I feel for her and yet I don't care. Nathan and Haley have always been friends of mine, but Nathan, Haley, Luke and Brooke make up the happy foursome and I'm the fifth wheel. I delete her message, which basically recanted what the prior two had said and she added that Nathan was okay.

They were leaving on their honeymoon in a few days. Poison ivy.

**Mission for the day**

-Buy a journal to write down all my important thoughts (snort derisively at that thought).

-Burn a CD of loud obnoxious wall pumping rock and play it at midnight tonight

-Cast a spell of some kind

-Eat a kiwi (never tried them before, first time for everything, besides Jill must be satisfied)

After those three messages, Page's romantic cravings will have to be satiated for the day.

**10:18a.m.**

Have a shower, use shampoo (note to self: buy new brand of shampoo, since Brooke suggested this brand, banishing that is most important)

Dress in comfy clothes. Dark green tank top and denim capris. Chunky black wedge shoes. Going outside in the shiny sunshine to brave the day all by myself.

I went to a bookstore out of the way and found this funky stand with all sorts of cool journal covers, I bought one with a cover of different hearts. All sorts of different colors to represent different emotions and feelings.

My first entry will be about betrayal and the color of that heart will be yellow. Simply because I despise the color yellow and feel it's a fitting color for betrayal.

**2:34p.m.**

I just ate my first kiwi and surprisingly it's pretty yummy, sweet and tart, kind of like a grape, only with more seeds, prettier color. I just took a picture of a two kiwis with a banana in the middle, I'm going to post it online later.

Should make for an interesting critique, the male private parts depicted by two kiwis and a banana, only some men would be so grateful to have kiwi-sized balls. Joking, I'm so totally joking, kiwi-sized balls would pack a punch, if you catch my drift.

A spell….hmmm, I've been surfing the net and came across this wicked website and I've decided to cast a Raining Fortune Spell. Start small. I'll cast it later.

**5:37p.m.**

I just finished burning my CD, some of the songs, I've included on it are:

- Enter Sandman by Metallica

- Hemorrhage by Fuel

- Rock You Like a Hurricane by the Scorpions

- Mr. Jones by Counting Crows

- Sweet Cherry Pie by Poison

Midnight is the hour of my developing bewitching power.

The spell will have to wait until later as I have to find/buy a child's plastic boat and cast the spell in water, maybe by the Rivercourt and I have to create an altar.

My first journal entry reads…

**Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer**

**Survivor of thrice loved, thrice damned**

**Lucas **

**Nathan **

**Jake **

**All I have loved and have loved me in return, but I am alone and alone I shall remain. Betrayal is the theme of this entry, ex-best friend Brooke Davis chose her boy love over her girl love. Her choice, I can't fault her for it, I can hate her for it, but hate is a wasted emotion and I have better things to do. So yes, I'll be mad and feel betrayed but tomorrow I'm moving on to more important things.**

**Nathan, my first love and the one to take my virginity. **

**Lucas, my second love and still the one I love. My heart doesn't agree with my head, we are embroiled in a war, I'm hurt every time I show my emotions, so back in the vault they go.**

**Jake, my third love, filled my heart, but not all of it. Sad but true, time turned and what we shared faded into the past, memories are only so much and then reality interfered.**

**Brooke, best friend of 10 years, two dead moms, three absentee parents, and a boy. A boy we both love, a love triangle. A Leyton or a Brucas. Never a Breyton, no more. Always and nevermore. Goodbye. The leaves have fallen, winter has descended, everything is dead.**

My hand stops when I hear a knock at the door, who could it be?

My eyes look at the clock, 8:18p.m. Who the fuck could it be? What annoying "friend" is it?

I rip open the door and there he stands, the golden boy, his suit rumpled and dirty, his hair askew, his precious girlfriend sitting in the passenger seat of his mom's car. Who knows where she is?

"What?" I hear my voice come out, husky and quiet.

"Why haven't you come to the hospital," he asks.

"Because I don't belong there." I reply quietly. My eyes boring into the turned head of my former best friend.

"What are you talking about?" he asks again, forlorn and confused.

Should I tell him or dance around the truth again? My mission for tomorrow was going to be honesty about something, but I think I'll take that mission and complete it now.

"I love you, I still have feelings for you, Brooke chose you over me, she told me that our friendship was over. She betrayed me," my tone trembled with emotion. My eyes clouded over in memory. "I love you and I always will, it hurts too much to be around you when I can't be with you. I don't belong in your world anymore. You and I can't be…" a tear forces its way past my steel manacling defense.

I watch his reaction, convulsive nervous swallowing, his eyes drift back to the silent figure of his girlfriend and then to me. His eyes darken, memories cloud his mind. I can't wait around to find out.

"Goodbye Lucas." I say softly and close the door.

I can feel his presence on the other side of the door, bounding up my stairs, I put in my CD and listen as the lyrics take me away.

The night is just beginning, but I am spent, my emotions raw and needing to heal. Memories hurt, but I lock them away in a chest and don't let them out.

My mission for tomorrow is to begin to heal and start a new life without pain, or at least try. I smile tentatively as I look in the mirror, my hand tracing my reflection.

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Hope you enjoyed today's installment, a bit of bizarreness, and the Leyton interaction, the silent presence of Brooke sitting in Luke's car...input is welcomed for future chapters, as is input on the three messages that Peyton received. I basically thought that she should know what's going on, but not be involved because there's enough other people to take care of Rachel and Cooper. Peyton is an outsider looking in. 


	3. May 11

Thanks for the awesome support, you guys rock.

To magiccheese, thanks for your review, I think that both girls equally betrayed each other. Peyton was only being honest with Brooke and the honesty was hard for Brooke to take, but I don't think she should have ended their friendship over it. Just my opinion, but my story only reflects how I think Peyton acts in this story, it's completely AU. Otherwise, enjoy this latest installment. Where Peyton decides to give back to the environment, she has her own Earth Day.

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**May 11**

"Today's weather forecast calls for clouds with cooler temperatures moving into town," I sang along to the lady on the weather channel. The weather channel has become my new favorite channel, everything is so interesting, they talk about real things going on in the world. Well weather related real things, but whatever, it works. I've decided my mission for this day is to try and do something to help improve the environment in this town. Give back to the town.

Oh but last night, I was listening to some of the songs, I'd burned and one struck a chord with how I feel right now. Ellie always talked about a song can make you feel something, you remember what you're wearing, doing at that moment.

The song, Lonely Nights by the Scorpions, came on last night at 12:39a.m. I was sitting in my computer swivel chair, shaking my head from side to side, don't ask why. The lyrics go…

_Since you're gone  
There is an empty space  
Since you're gone  
The world is not the same _

I go back to the places we've been  
It feels like you're still there  
I live all those moments again  
Wishing you were here

Since you're gone  
There is an lonely heart  
Since you're gone  
Nothin' is like it was

There are memories all over the place  
Bringin' it back all so clear  
Remember all of those days  
Wishing you were here

All those lonely nights  
I gotta fight for you, yes I do  
Yes I do

Since you're gone  
There is a heart that bleeds  
Since you're gone  
I'm not the man I used to be

I follow you steps in the snow  
The traces disappear  
We know what we've lost when it's gone  
I'm wishing you were here

All those lonely nights  
I gotta fight for you, yes I do  
Yes I do

Actually I look at these lyrics as the way I used to be, fight for what I want and to hell with the consequences, my motto used to be, "Fight for what you want" but now my new motto is going to be, "Let what I want come to Me."

Today is environmental Peyton day. I'm going to wear green to celebrate the day of nature and giving back. I'm an odd bird, but whatever. It's the new me, today is rebirth, or at least I'd like it to be.

Going out now to volunteer myself to Mother Nature.

**3:12p.m.**

What can I say that was dirty and smelly and refreshing. Invigorating for my soul. I could go on forever and spout this soulful stuff. But I think I'll write my second journal entry, entitled Innocence Lost.

**When I was 15, I lost my virginity to superstar Nathan Scott. He was the man and I was the woman, we were popularity personified, the golden couple. Him with his raven locks, me with my Goldilocks curls, our beautiful eyes, mocha meets cerulean. He had a hot body and my cheerleading didn't leave me looking fat. I sound like a cheesy romance novel. My physical innocence may have been lost on that day, but my psychological innocence was lost the day my mother died.**

**It rained, she was late, one red light changed the course of my life. Death is a common theme in my life, my mom died, my other mom died, my friendship w/ Brooke is dead. I could keep writing about how I pity myself and so should you. I could write about how God is horrible and keeps taking away all the people I love.**

**But why bother, self pity is not the theme of this journal entry, lost innocence is….now I could comment on when Brooke "Ho" Davis lost her virginity…I will say it was when she was 14. But that's it.**

Anyway, back to my giving back to nature, I ended up down at the park, helping other volunteers pick up trash. A community service punishment, but whatever, I just did for something to do. I have decided to join the world of working people and get an afternoon/weekend job. Since I'm not going to be a cheerleader anymore, oh did I fail to mention that choice. All points of being a cheerleader are gone, thus is my motivation. All the cheerleaders will hate me when Brooke's done with them. I may as well transfer schools…no more self pity. Mentally smacking myself.

I'm going to grab the employment section of the paper and look for a job. Mission for tomorrow is to find a job.

Ooooooooh, last night I did have a dream of being in a boat, an old row boat, the paint peeling off the sides, it was kind of a dull gray color. The paddles were floating in the water beside the boat, too far out of reach for me to get them. I couldn't see anything across the water, the fog was rolling in. It was murky daylight. I was alone in the rowboat. Ever see the movie, the Fog, well I have and it reminds me of that.

Lonely solitude. I am becoming a hermit. Peyton Sawyer, hermit girl. LOL. Ok seriously today I was a boring Peyton, I know. But nothing exciting happened, I didn't have any contact with scary people that hate me and seem to want to ignore me. I had a regular sunny boring day. But what's a girl to do. Hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting.

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I would cite the site for the lyrics, but urls, don't show up on here, so why bother. This entry is kind of a dud, but I try and insert some fun. But it's hard. I figure by giving Peyton a job, it'll make her more appealing to her captive audience. You guys are captive right, you love me and I love you. Sweet dreams. Selene Romanov signing off. 


	4. May 12

Peyton does a lot of people watching today, reading body language, while applying for jobs. Enjoy this latest installment. Thank you for continually reviewing.

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**May 12**

I am saddened to say that today is the day that Peyton Sawyer looks for a job, I had that thing with Thud going like over a year ago, but it didn't pan out to be a long-term thing. They were taken over by new management that didn't trust teenagers, so I was relegated. The way that teenagers are treated by some grown-ups is abominable, they're so rude to us. Just because we are misrepresented in today's society as being reckless troublemakers, we're not all like that. That makes me sad that society sees us that way. I'm not being sarcastic, it really bothers me, but what can I, one person do about it?

Anyway, it's now 9:29a.m. and I'm going out to drop off some resumes.

While walking through the downtown, I come across Karen's Café, where Haley works on a part time basis. I work at Tric on and off when it's open, but Karen has kept it closed since Keith's passing. I respect that, but I need to make some money to support myself, I can't always be asking Daddy for money.

Back to something shocking I saw when I was walking by the café, it was closed for the week, because Haley is out of town and Deb is at the hospital with Cooper and Karen's all alone since Lucas is probably off with Brooke. Now that assumption would normally be correct, except I saw Dan talking with Karen, they were sitting, heads together in a booth across from one another. His hand was on top of hers, almost comfortingly, now without appearing too obvious. I watched them for a few minutes, reading their body language. I could tell that Dan is under some kind of heavy burden, his shoulders slump forward and his head looks like he's barely holding up, but his face seems to have a boyish aspect to it. His fingers lightly trace her hand, dancing over the knuckles. From Karen, I sense a hesitance, which is right, because Dan has been a real ass to her and yet I could almost see her letting him back in. I've been watching too many romantic movies, to be reading this from their body language. I mean, come on, Dan and Karen, they were high school sweethearts, but that changed with Lucas's birth and now with Keith's death, I don't know.

Back to the job hunt, I dropped a resume off at a coffee shop, called Sweeney's, down a couple of blocks. I also, mental cringe, dropped off a resume at McDonald's. McDonald's is universal and most of their workers are teenagers, but I don't know if I could see myself working there, I'm an artist, I like to create things, so I could be a sandwich maker, maybe create a new burger or something. I should be an ice cream flavor creator, that would be extremely fascinating. Thinking up new flavors and getting to test them, I'd probably get fat really soon.

I dropped off a resume at that music store that Chris Keller worked at when he was first in town. Another place called Dakota's was hiring for hostesses, they're a hip new restaurant. Their manager totally looks like my age, I had to ask him if he was still in high school, he smirked and said no, he was a sophomore at the local college.

I finally sneaked into the hospital to go see Rachel and Cooper, I felt bad about not seeing them. I saw Nathan alone in Cooper's room, sitting and talking to him. He looked up and smiled when he saw me. I hugged him, "How is he?"

"He's still in the coma, he'll come out, he has to. Haley and I aren't going on our trip, I want to be here for him and my mom, she's taking this pretty hard, him being in a coma and all, especially since Dan is MIA and has been since the wedding," Nathan said to me.

It was on the tip of my tongue to reveal that I'd just seen him with Karen, but something inside of me, kept my mouth shut. I shrugged and patted him on the shoulder, "Where is Haley?"

"She's with Lucas," he answered.

"Oh." The silence between us, branching out into tension. I started moving towards the door, "Tell Cooper hi for me, when he wakes up," I waved tentatively.

Turning I walked down the hall to Rachel's room, her room was full of flowers from all her friends, well-wishers. She was looking out the window, her face turned in my direction when she heard footsteps.

"Well, well, look who it is, long lost blondie," she taunted weakly.

"How are you?" I asked from the doorway.

"I'll be fine." Her stoniness puzzled me, moving towards her, I looked at her more closely. Her skin was stretched tautly over her bones, she was very pale and seemed to flinch whenever her body moved. I could see the blue of her veins through her skin.

"I lost my baby." She said aloud in the thick silence.

I looked at her, my heart in my throat, not knowing what to say, this was one place I had no experience with. "I'm very sorry." The cliched words came out harsh and grating, almost husky.

"That's what everyone keeps saying, and you know what's even funnier, had I not lost the baby, I wanted him or her, even if it meant getting fat again. I wanted a piece of Cooper, he'll hate me when he wakes up, I almost killed him." Tears streaked down her pale cheeks, we had a moment of silence for her to gather her composure and for me to well I don't know.

"I should go," I moved awkwardly towards the door. "If you need anything call me," I said and left her to her silent grief.

A sight of overwhelming confusion stopped me in my tracks, the golden boy and the princess, rigid body language, fighters in the midst of a battle, in a place of healing, only adding to the negative energy that was trying to take me over.

The princess was crying, great big crocodile tears and the golden boy was pleading, a tone of helplessness in his tone. Their words were harsh, hers angry and his repentant. Rushing up to them, I stepped between them, "Enough." My eyes flared with banked embers of anger, glaring at the princess, weakening when looking at the golden boy.

"Take it somewhere else, people are trying to heal here, and you are not helping," my anger echoed in my tone. My feet picked up speed again as I turned another corner, soon out of sight. Leaving the two, silent in introspection, one sad and the other feeling immense regret, both feeling like children for having acted so juvenile.

I'm home again and I'm happy to say that today was a happier day, I don't have a journal entry for today, no theme seemed to rule my day. I'm going to order a large pizza of some kind and watch a movie in the dark by myself and give thanks that I've never lost a child of my own. I feel for Rachel and I hope that I never have to go through that experience.

It's only 8:19p.m., but I've had a busy day, lots of people watching. Memories cloud my mind from today and I get lost in the fog.


	5. May 13

****

May 13

The unthinkable has happened, I've been called for a job interview at …._cringe…_McDonald's. Nothing against people who make fast food their living, but that's not me, I can't be creative with people and food and especially not in the stereotypical high school job hangout. But I did promise to try new things and this seems to be the theme for the day.

****

9:45a.m.

Well that was interesting, the guy was really nice and encouraging and if I didn't have an aversion to fast food then I would've taken the job he'd offered me. I did however, accept to go out to dinner with him tomorrow night.

The interview basically consisted of him looking over my resume, seeing that I'd worked at TRIC on and off and at T.H.U.D. Asking me if I'd ever done much cooking, to which I replied that I was a whiz at ordering take-out, other than that, my dad was the master in the kitchen. Another surprise was that the manager was a former Ravens player who'd been a senior when I was a freshman. I remember him because he dated Brooke for three weeks, then dumped her because she wouldn't put out, at least not yet.

He didn't remember me at first but when he saw cheerleading under the activities part of my resume, he put the pieces together. I asked him how he was doing and how he ended up being the manager of the local McD's. Have I failed to mention his name, it's Brett Gordon, I remember him as a gorgeous senior with chocolate wavy locks and dreamy brown eyes that could freeze a girl in her tracks.

We chatted about music and movies for a few minutes, till he did his move - toss his hair back, arch his eyebrow and focus on me intensely, which I will admit gave me a hint of an electrical charge. Lucas has my heart, but it doesn't mean my hormones are dead. I'm only a teenage girl of 17 and it's been awhile since Jake, LOL.

****

11:16 a.m.

Fast forward to a message from my dad which says he'll be unreachable for the next week because he just will be. Whatever. I'm used to it. Back to the daylight happenings of Tree Hill. Rachel apparently is going to be released from the hospital sometime tomorrow.

I have to go back to school on Monday. Ye gods and face the freakiness of reality. Should be deliciously delectable. I'm thinking of faking a deadly illness till the end of the year, but why bother. Can't believe I'll be a senior next year, YIKES.

Since I've had an interview for a job already, albeit one that I turned down. I've decided that concludes my job hunting foray into the world right now. I don't really have the time, now that I've decided to stay in Tree Hill at least until school's over. I do have mounds of homework to catch up on. 

OMG, the phone is ringing, let the machine get it. Everyone who knows me knows that my cell phone is the only thing I answer and that I'll only answer it if I'm talking to them.

****

4:30 p.m.

Another interesting event that I witnessed to report. A feverish kiss from a desperate man to a woman hungry but feeling guilty for accepting it. Who am I talking about? Karen and Dan, but of course. She feels guilty that she needs him and wants him because Keith is barely cold in the ground and Dan is pushing himself on her, because maybe he finally realized that he truly does love her. 

But what made it especially fascinating to watch, were the other witnesses to this secret. Brooke Davis and Deb Scott. Both unaware of the other, but I saw them both and wonder what their motivations and reactions will be to this delectable little memory they now carry around.

Deb may feel disgust that Karen can even stand to touch him let alone kiss him, yet she may have some bizarre sense of understanding, after all she was married to the guy for 17 years. She may think that Dan is a creep for pushing himself on Karen so soon but then she may see that perhaps Dan loved Karen all along and just chose Deb because marrying her seemed like the better opportunity at the time.

Brooke may feel a loyalty to Lucas to tell him, but that would open a whole can of worms that she wouldn't want to be part of or delve into. Plus, it would take Lucas's focus off her and put it on his mother and his father.

Now to recapture the reckless abandonment of the kiss in full detail…

__

From across the street, I could see into the café fairly well and I saw Dan gesticulating wildly, almost frantically, while Karen stood there, a beacon of calm amidst the storm. Her calmness indicated a quiet acceptance of the chaotic feelings that Dan was expressing, until he moved into her personal space. I can almost feel the heated breath from his parted lips onto her cheek as he looks down into her eyes. 

To him, her beautiful brown eyes that he's known for what seems like ever.

To her, his eyes are pools of emotion that seem to swallow her whole and yet bewitch her to keep looking at him, he's ensnared her with his stare.

I see him kneel down and caress her stomach, an oddity that I couldn't decipher. Then he stands up and tenderly pulls her close to him and leans down. Giving her a chance to move away, to deny him, to reject him.

She doesn't, their lips meet and it's an explosion of the senses.

That's what I saw from across the road and it looked intense, how I described it was simply my interpretation.

****

9:29p.m.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I've got a date with a hot guy who's 21, it should be interesting, what shall I wear? I'm going to go visit my mom's grave in the morning, I just feel like it's something I need to do.

Song of choice right now is - "Harder to Breathe Maroon 5"

Don't ask. Signing off.


End file.
